Are you the person who can see what everyone else can’t see? What happens when you question the things that everyone says are “the way they are”? What does it mean to you, and to everyone with whom you work, when you can look at something from a different perspective?
Here’s a simple example….
I grew up in a northern Ontario community where hockey was, and still is, a big deal. In our own backyard, we were lucky enough to have our own large homemade hockey rink, outfitted with lights for nighttime skating. Every night, and all weekend, the neighbourhood kids would lace up, head to our backyard and play hockey.
Back then, there were no community organized hockey leagues for girls. The sport was only accessible to boys. Our backyard rink represented that. The boys used most of the rink to play hockey while the girls skated around the perimeter. At that time, not one of us questioned the fact that the girls didn’t join in.
What could have happened if one of the girls insisted that she play too?
Even better, what could have happened if one of the boys invited us to join the game? On that hockey rink, what would it have meant to be THAT boy? The boy who has the courage to speak up and include others. The boy who has the insight to question who gets to be in or out.
What would it have meant to be THAT girl? The girl who points out what else is possible. The girl who asks why.
To make change, we have to see what isn’t serving us any longer. We have to be able to see perspectives that are getting in our way.
In my childhood example, the hidden belief that we held is that hockey is for boys. We unknowingly adopted that belief and it affected how we as girls showed up. We stayed on the outside.
To be an effective leader, we must be vigilant about how we interpret things going on around us and within us. When we do so, we will become more adept at distinguishing between facts and assumptions. Also, we get sharper at asking good questions and we are more open to possibilities. These behaviours help us to initiate conversations that are more composed and productive – conversations that generate better insights, ideas, actions and results.
So, how does one uncover those beliefs that, like most of an iceberg, are hiding below the surface? Here are a few actions that may help you to spot beliefs that are stalling your leadership:
- Notice what triggers emotion – Emotions are rich sources of data that something more is happening under the surface. Is there a particular situation that is getting “under your skin” right now? If so, what do you believe to be true about that situation? How is that belief helping, or hindering, your ability to respond to the situation in a way that is important to you?
- Get curious – Ask the question, “is it true?” and also ask the question “What else could be true?” The answers to these questions could shift the entire way in which you look at a situation.
- Distinguish between assumption and fact – Our brains process so much information each day that in order to be efficient, we make assumptions. While it’s a natural process, it’s also a trap when we act on these assumptions as though they are fact. As human beings, we add a ton of meaning to the observations we see and hear each day. For example, when your boss seems preoccupied, does that mean that she’s not interested in your work? No it doesn’t. However, in the moment, it is so easy to assume and start feeling doubtful.
- Take time to reflect – Our current work culture doesn’t value the importance of reflection. Having a regular practice to step back and consider your current situation with different perspectives is critical to choosing how you will show up as a leader. Whether it is through journal writing, a long walk or some other contemplative practice, reflection increases one’s chance of exposing an unhelpful belief and strengthens one’s ability to choose a response. We cannot change what we do not notice. Reflection helps us to notice.
Questioning and adopting new beliefs can be uncomfortable and may even be disruptive. However this is often a good thing. Seeing and shifting old beliefs is necessary for growth and transformation.
The importance of challenging our beliefs is summed up by activist and philosopher Thomas Paine when he states, “A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it a superficial appearance of being right.”
As an adult, I now look back at this childhood experience on the hockey rink and thankfully I have come to see it a different way. I have since recognized hockey as a sport open to all of us, found a beginner’s women’s hockey league and joined a team. I know that it’s never too late to change a belief!
