When you think of effective leaders with whom you currently work, or have worked with in the past, what stands out that  makes them effective?  We often ask leaders this question and regardless of level, tenure, or industry, their descriptions are  consistent – people skills.

When they elaborate, one attribute they emphasize  are excellent communications..

Our clients’ responses validate both our experience and the research. A leader’s ability to relate to others is one of the most significant differentiators, and drivers, of leadership effectiveness.

To be able to relate well, a leader needs solid communication skills. Developing such skills is both an art and a science. When we connect and communicate well with others, we get more done, make better decisions, build team engagement, and experience more fulfillment from our work.

Sounds simple however sometimes it’s not easy. Communication pitfalls abound. Chances are, at least one of these seven myths below, is hampering your communications and making it harder for you to relate to your team and get your work done.

 

Myth #1 – If I tell this person what I really think, they’ll get demotivated.

When this perspective is voiced, it is usually in response to giving  tough performance feedback. While it’s never ok to be careless with our words, it is necessary to be candid. Let’s get real on this one. This perspective is not about the other person. It’s about the leader. Yes, it can be hard, risky, and uncomfortable giving difficult feedback but it’s disrespectful not to. Combatting this myth requires a leader to be truly honest  about their own discomfort on  the prospect of a such a conversation and act anyway. Getting over one’s own discomfort demonstrates that a leader cares and is keeping the long game in mind.

 

Myth #2 – They understand because I told them.

Understanding  and knowing  are two different things. A team member may know what must be done but have no idea about why it matters. In this case, expect minimum effort. While there are circumstances where one-way conversation is sufficient, such as an update, most discussions  benefit from dialogue. Taking a few more minutes to inquire and learn about someone’s views helps identify where different perspectives exist and creates commitment to action in the process.

 

Myth #3 – Discussions with my team take up too much time.

Time is finite. While we wish for more of it, we know that’s not possible, so we rationalize how we spend it. What we find is that leaders who communicate effectively actually use their time with their teams much better. Discussions are more focused, candid, and productive. Would you rather take the time to have one 20-minute productive discussion on a topic that matters or three 10-minute unproductive discussions? If the discussion requires a little more time up front, it’s worth it because without quality, time is wasted.

 

Myth #4 – Getting clear is easy.

Sometimes it is, however, most of the time, it is not. Leaders often know what they want to talk about but are unclear about why. Is there a decision to be made? Does a change need to be implemented? Taking time to identify why a discussion is important enough to take up your finite time (and theirs) clarifies  what success in that discussion looks like. Getting clear on what you want to talk about, and why,  avoids the frustration and wasted time that comes from discussions that spin around when the person leading the discussion doesn’t truly know what they want out of it.

 

Myth #5 – All I need to do is get them to agree with me.

Agreement is not needed for action. Commitment is. To get others to agree, leaders aim for consensus. Consensus jeopardizes the quality of decisions and results in compliance from a team member as they quickly see through a discussion where there is no room for their input. While it may be unintended, the  leader ends up dominating the discussion and the other person simply acquiesces.

 

Myth #6 – Being direct is confrontational.

Some leaders are more comfortable with being direct than others. Many equate directness with hostility. Hostility is never ok so it’s important to recognize that there is a difference between hostile directness and candor.  The difference is respect. Candor is direct while keeping the esteem of the other person intact. Leaders who do this well recognize that confronting an issue is different than confronting a person and when handled well, candor builds trust.

 

Myth #7 – The team knows they can speak up anytime.

Not always. Speaking up varies across team members and is often impacted by circumstances.  Leaders must be aware of the power imbalance that exists in their roles and the  impact this can have on whether a team member speaks up.

Because a leader has more power, it falls to the leader to help team members be comfortable to share their views candidly. One approach that helps leaders do this well is to pause and ask for a person’s views before they give their own.

If any of these myths show up in your team communications, take heart and know that recognizing them in your communications is a step in the right direction. These myths capture thinking that limits what is possible.  Choose one that stands out for you now and consider an alternative perspective that will be more productive. Adapt your behavior from there. Your team will thank you for it and you will too!